Saturday, April 12, 2008
Going To Hell
Alright, it's been decided. I am going to hell. I lied to a nun. My father's sister is a Roman Catholic nun. Sr. Marcelle is a sweet little old woman, about 82 years old and about 4 feet 8 inches tall. She has that quiet demeanor that nuns seem to have, and lovely skin. She's also a bit of a hmmm....dare I say it? PITA I know....now I'll be burning in hell for even longer. But it can't be helped. Here's the story: In October, we had a 50th Anniverary party for my parents. My brothers and sister and I decided to make it small since that's what my parents wanted. We were having just us, our spouses and our children. Then my father caught wind of it, and said if we were doing something he'd like it if his brother Bob, who lives in Arizona, could come. That opened the door for inviting all my parents' brothers and sisters. Sadly, due to lots of deaths, there weren't that many to invite. One of them was Sr. Marcelle. I sent an invitation to her convent in Connecticut. Now, usually she'll finagle a ride from my cousin Paul, who is a priest in Worcester. But the party was on a Sunday and Paul, as you can imagine, was busy. So I get a call from Sr. Marcelle. "I'd love to come, but Paul won't be able to take me. Could I ask Sr. Theresa to drive me? Would she be able to come to the party too?" Snide comment in my head..."She can drive you but she'll have to wait in the car...be sure to crack a window." Of course I said yes, so now we were adding two more meals to the dinner. Ten minutes later comes the second call. "I asked Sr. Theresa and she said she'd love to drive me. But she's 84 years old you know, and it's a long drive. So she asked if Sr. Margaret could come too so they can share the driving." Three nuns now! How many more are there in that convent??? Naturally, it was yes again. So the three nuns came to the party. The kicker is.....Bob didn't. So now, it's my father's 70th birthday in May. It just so happens his brother Bob is coming for a visit. On the Saturday he's here, my Dad thought it would be nice to have us over so we could see our Uncle Bob. Pot luck. No fuss. I suggested to my Mom that I bring a cake for my Dad's birthday and since it's the day before Mother's Day, we'll celebrate that too. And today Sr. Marcelle called me. "Are you having a party for your father?" I had only a few seconds to answer without sounding like I was lying. I calculated how much trouble I'd be in with my parents if I said yes....because then it would turn into a fiasco and I knew my father would hate that. So I lied. "Oh no, no party." "Really?" she says. "It IS his 70th birthday you know. If there's going to be a party I'll make the effort to be there. I'm his Godmother you know. I held him over the baptismal font 70 years ago." "Nope, Auntie. No party. I'm sure my mother will take him to dinner or something." "Okay then" she says. I hurriedly called my parents and filled them in and managed to tell them the scoope about three seconds before their phone beeped and it was Sr. Marcelle calling them. She was double-checking with my mother that there was no party. I hope God forgives me for lying to a nun. Let me just add that my Dad thanked me PROFUSELY for lying ......which means he'll be right beside me in hell.