Thursday, April 9, 2009


My ex-father-in-law passed away last night. It's a strange situation for me to be in. He was my father-in-law for 23 years......but then he was not. I was divorced 7 years ago and haven't really seen him since. Not because there was animosity between us, just because my kids were grown when the divorce happened and there wasn't really any reason for us to get together. I saw him only once or my grand-daughter's birthday party or whatever. By that time, he'd had a couple of strokes and I'm not sure he knew who I was. My sadness is for the memories. We had a good relationship. We always got along well. And he was always good to my children.....his grandchildren. I hope they have some great memories of him. My in-laws had a summer camp and the kids spent lots of time there. I hope they remember the good times they had with him and their Nana at the camp. It's the first big death for my kids (my "kids" being 30, 28 and 27 years old). They've lost their first grandparent. The only other deaths they've known are distant relatives or grandparents of friends. I hope they can handle the wake and the funeral. My first instinct is to offer to go the funeral with them. So they can have the emotional support I doubt they'll get from their father's side of the family. But they're grown-ups....and they have each other to lean on. I will go to the wake. I'd like to pay my respects to his family. I think he deserves that. He was a special part of my life for a lot of years.


Joan said...

My sympathies on your loss. You obviously thought highly of the man and I see no reason for you not to attend however much of the ceremonies that you are comfortable with. It has nothing to do with anyone else but you being able to say goodbye to someone who touched your life. Hugs to your kids.

Debbie said...

You should go. And I am sorry for your loss.

Val said...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

But I think you're right. They have each other, which is awesome.
Just for reassurance:
My Uncle died last year. He had three boys and a girl, all grown and each with spouses of their own. During the funeral, you would find the 4 'kids' right next to one another. The entire time.
It was such an awesome sight and one I will remember forever.

elizasmom said...

My sympathies. I think going to the wake and letting the "kids" do the funeral by themselves is a good call — unless they ask you to attend, of course.

peewee said...

Yah. 3 yrs ago my grandma died and it was MY first big death. Losing grandparents is heartbreaking, but that's what you're there soften the broken hearts. And from the teensy bit I know of you, you seem like a good one to do that!