Why Are People So Weird?

I work as a subtitute teacher, and it provides me with an endless supply of laughs. You have to have a sense of humor to be a sub, otherwise you rip your hair out. I'll talk about the demise of the American student in another post. Today I want to talk about parents. A lot of times, I sub for the secretaries in the schools, and I have a lot of contact with the parents. Some sample conversations: ME: Mr. So and So, your son is not in school today. Is he home sick? MR S&S: No, he's supposed to be in school. ME: Well, he's not here. MR S&S: Oh......well can you tell me who his friends are so I can call around and find him? Mr. S&S walks into the middle school office. MR S&S: I'd like to register my son for school. ME: Okay, are you just moving into town? MR S&S: No, we've lived here all our lives. ME: Where has your son been going to school up until now? MR S&S: He hasn't been. He's only five. ME: Well, sir, this is a middle school. MR S&S: He can't go here? MR S&S walks into the middle school office (it's just a coincidence these are all dads....moms are just as goofy) MR S&S: I'd like to talk to my son. ME: He's in class right now, can we give him a message? MR S&S: I need to give him his cell phone he left at home cause I want him to call me after school. ME: Okay, I'll take it and give it to him and give him the message. I tape the message to the cell phone.....it's given to him at lunchtime. Later in the day, on the phone: MR S&S: Did you give my son his cell phone? ME: Yes I did. MR S&S: Well, he didn't call me. MY THOUGHTS: What the hell do you want me to do? ME: I'm sorry sir, but he got the phone. I can't guarantee he read the message though. MR S&S (panicking) What should I do? ME: Have YOU tried calling HIM on that cell phone? MR S&S: oh..... I could tell you a million more stories..........but I don't have enough room on this post!