Saturday, September 1, 2012

Karen's Rules for Grocery Shopping AKA- My semi-annual rant against idiotic people

Entering the parking lot:

#1.    Move your FAT BUTT along as you cross the parking lot.  Strolling along and chatting on your cell phone just makes me want to hit you.

#2.   Hold your children's hands in the parking lot.  Letting them run around like banshees is only going to give me a  heart attack.

#3.  While driving down the aisle searching for a spot, stay to the RIGHT.  It's just like driving.

#4.  When you are crossing and are not in a crosswalk, don't give ME a dirty look when I don't stop to let you cross.

#5.  Do not stop in the middle of the entrance and let your able-bodied wife, girlfriend, or whatever out of the car.  It just makes me want to "accidentally" ram the back of your car.

Inside the store:

#6.  When you must stand and stare at the grocery shelves while you contemplate what to buy...MOVE OVER.

#7.  When I move your cart so I can get through, don't give ME a dirty look.

#8.  When pushing your cart down an aisle, stay to the RIGHT.  It's just like driving.

#9.  If you let your children run around like banshees in the store, it's not my fault if I accidentally hit one of them with my cart.

At the register:

#10.  Don't chat with the cashier.  He/she cannot run the groceries over the scanner and talk at the same time.

#11.  When I say I want everything in the cloth bags, I do mean EVERYTHING.  Yes to the catfood.  Yes to the giant package of TP.  Yes to the laundry detergent.

#12.  When I say no I do not want anything in little plastic bags, I do mean EVERYTHING.  No to the meats.  No to the ice cream.  No to the Produce.

Leaving the store:

All the same parking lot rules as entering the store.   In addition:

#13.  Do not beep at me when I am sitting at a red light arrow and it says "No Turn on Red Arrow".  Especially when I have seen 3 different people pulled over by the police for ignoring that sign.

Thank you.

1 comment:

Joan J said...

Oh please please please add just one more -- DON'T leave your cart in the center of the aisle, and then walk 20 feet away (or even in the next aisle) to leave the rest of us to deal with your cart.

I swear, I'm going to print your post off and put it up on the bulletin board of my local grocery store!!